About Brighter Canvas

Welcome to Brighter Canvas.  This is primarily a place, or Canvas, of exploration, self, world, and thoughts.  You’ll also find here some fiction from time to time.  Much of what you’ll find here is simply something to think about.

Recently, I sat in a women’s group and heard someone say, “We should do our best to have kind, forgiving, and encouraging thoughts about ourselves.”  It occurred to me, as I listened to her comment, that I don’t really have the problem of thinking mean thoughts about myself.  The real problem is that I’ve allowed myself over the past decade to become so entrenched in administering the lives of my children and household and attending to my community duties that I haven’t had ANY thoughts about me at all.

For example:  I think I’ve cut my hair 4 times during the past decade:  one of those included highlights when my sister insisted during a visit to my distant family and provided a place for my kids to go while I  went.  One of them was done by a neighbor right in my back yard while the kids played around us, but by the time I discovered that hair was something in her skill set, it was time for her family to move away.  On the other two occasions, both beauticians tried to argue me out of an extreme change – “are you sure you want your hair that short?” they’d say.  I didn’t want to explain that I wasn’t coming back (it almost sounds suicidal when you say it out loud).  It just wasn’t a priority.  On the other hand:  My kids get haircuts every month or six weeks.  Huh.  I guess that says something.

I think that lack of self-mindfulness has taken a toll on me, and I’m sure in some way it’s taken a toll on my home, my family, my colleagues, and my life – specifically my potential.  It’s as if my own life has been in hybernation mode.  Not that I’m sleeping in a cave – far from it – in fact, I have to admit just the opposite:  that I’ve been sleep deprived long enough that I don’t actually remember much of the past 10 years.  Given that these are supposed to be “special” years when my children are young, that’s a little sad.

So, this year as my birthday came around, I decided to set a new birth year resolution:  I am going to rediscover things about me, and discover new things about me and I’m going to find out what’s been happening in the world outside my own little sphere of influence.

This place is the place where I’m going to share those thoughts.  I suppose I’m mostly just talking to me, but if you find you connect in some way, I hope you’ll read more.  It will mean a lot to me to know that other people out there might also be exploring mindful living.  So these thoughts are not posted in the number of importance, just in the order of when they occur to me.

Thanks for visiting.  Feel free to add your own explorative experiences in the comments as well.

UPDATE: Hi, everyone – I’m not sure why I thought that creating a blog with three small children would make me LESS overwhelmed? Flash forward 12 years, and those three kids are pretty self sufficient now, so I’m going to give it another go. We’ll see – maybe this is my season. Glad you stopped by!

Shaunna